Everyday

You had bruises on your back today.
you felt my pain.
But your scars will heel,
and mine wont,
on my heart
forever,
they will remain.

Your skin will turn pink,
as it has always has been,
you will recover,
and then you will forget
about today,
the day you felt a pain like mine.

But I still feel it,
I feel it everyday.

How did it feel?
Did you like the pain?
Did you enjoy the hurt?
But for you it is okay,
because your scars will go away
and mine will remain.


Wont they?

You took your heart out and threw it at me.



Now you are heartless

Remember

You told me you don’t Remember
where I live,
But I Remember
where you sleep.

You told me you don’t Remember
the path,
But I Remember
our journey.

You told me you don’t Remember
my name,
But I Remember
your smell.

You told me you don’t Remember
my touch,
But I Remember
your taste.

You told me you don’t Remember
our song,
But I Remember
your voice

You told me you dont Remember
my face,
But I Remember
your blood.

Don't you Remember
the night you bled?
I offered my hand,
and with your blood the the cravasses of my skin were drenched.

It was then I realised that I loved you.

I always found comfort in the fact that
we had our memories,
and with them you had walked away.

But when you told me that you don’t Remember
my heart bled,
and you were not there to protect me.

I was alone
because you are gone.

I Havent Yet Named It

The following piece is a little extract from my modernist scriptive text.

Heart:

Drum. Thump. Beat. Thump. Not like a chair, not still. A guitar too is not a heart. It is not a heart until you play its strings.

Red is red is red is heart.

Blood from heart is red is red is

blood.

Blue veins. Blue like the sky where the birds fly. Like the water flowing between the river’s shores. But is water truly blue? Is it blue, or green, or grey? Or is it is the colour of its constituents? Her blood is water and it is red so that means he is red.


Death:

What happens when the heart stops?

Red signs cause collisions. No stopping. No pain.

No motion, no heat.

The fire that burns brings warmth but not during death. Winter is black, is cold, is death. She fears it, and hides behind yellow for pretection. But yellow is the colour of the inevitable.

Not dead. Alive. Love. Love. Alive. Nothing. Death. Death. Death.


Night:

Only black and only black and only bats. Bats only. One cannot see and if you cannot see nothing exists.

But yellow is heard?

Spreading sound proves existence without sight.

No time to pretend.

Why pretend?

Children are crying,
bombs are dropping
and
they are hoping.

Hoping that the night never comes. Night is the time of sleep is the time of black is the time of death is the time not of the heart the heart.


Sleep:

Temporary death.

Solitude. A black cave. A yellow box. But that does not matter because when ones eyes are wide shut they see only black.

To wake is to live and to sleep is to die. To wake from sleep is not yellow, it is a gift. Cherish it. It is not yellow

A Church in which he prays consists of four walls filled with one soul. And candles. Candles that burn in sequence, never burning the soul, or the walls. Burning like a song, in tune with one another, high pitched.

What happens when the flowers grow? Do you stop caring for them?


Waltz:
She leant how to dance but she never showed it to him.

And he never moved with someone else’s rhythm.


Breathe:

Not to breathe is to love because love is to take one's breath away.

Two people, in love, yet in so much pain. Pain is love. And love is sweet, so pain is sweet, but love hurts ones heart and sweet hurts ones teeth.

The Songs That I Dedicate To Him

...In no particular order and to be constantly updated



Its Okay-Atomic Kitten

I Should Have Never Let You Go-Bardot

These Days-Bardot

Running Back-Jessica Mauboy

I Hate You So Much Right Now-Kellis

All For You-Leona Lewis

Better in Time-Leona Lewis

With Every Heartbeat-Robyn

Let Go-Neyo

Linger-The Cranberries

Stand By You-The Pretenders

As I Lay Me Down-Sophie B Hawkins

Tears Dry on Their Own-Amy Winehouse

I Miss YOu When You're Gone-The Cranberries

Littlest Things-Lily Allen

You Give Me Something-James Morrison

Chasing Pavements-Adele

You Were Meant For Me-Jewel

My Love-Ciara

Anything-Jojo

I Miss You So Much-TLC

Baby Can I Hold You-Tracy Chapman

4 in the Morning-Gwen Stefani

Cry-Rihanna

Stay-Destiny's Child

If I Aint Got You-Alicia Keys

Holding Back The Years-Simply Red

Back to Black-Amy Winehouse

It Must Have Been Love-Roxette

Wasnt It Good-Tina Arena

Turn The Page-Aaliyah

Little Waltz-Basia Bulat

Hope and Faith

I just want to write this entry as a little memoir for myself.

I was sitting in my uni library doing my assignment. At the same time I was hoping to see or bump into a certain someone. Many people walked past whom I thought could be him and ofcourse they werent. So I got to doing my assignment and then, about two hours later he walked by.

He just strolled by in his blue t-shirt, charcoal board shorts and the area between his thump and index finger were sliding on his backpack. I went mental. Not because he walked past but because I wanted him to and he did.

I went up and said "hi" to him. I am making it sound so simple, boy was it not! I walked up with Nyree, and after locating him I was trying to think of certain "reasons" why we were where he was: we were looking for books on Israel (despite being in the children' section), Nyree was studying early education, oh the list went on and on. Eventually we stuck with the first story, but when I saw him he didnt so happy to see me.

As she was walking out the library it was obvious that he saw me from the corner of his eye, but he kept walking down the stairs anyway. I told myself that he was shy, but he could have said bye, even if just a hand gesture. At the same time I pretended not to see him, so who am I to come up with excuses?

I dont know. I dont even know if I like him. I have told myself 100 times that it is the idea of him I like, not necessarily him, but I think I do like him. Oh dear! (as he would say)


Anyway, I must get back to my essay. I just wanted to write this entry to remind myself that if you want somthing bad enough it will surely come your way, even if only briefly.

Goodbye

I was reading the several confidential letters that I have written to you and oh so much has changed. We became friends, best friends in fact, and now it seems like a dream. I think about you and I try to remember the millions of seconds that we spent together but I can't. All that I recall is my happiness.

I woke up and now you are gone. I pushed you away, and I hate to admit that I want you back.

I thought I hated you, but now I know that I dont. I just loved you too much to see you always doing wrong. Your flaws and mistakes were becoming mine. They defeated you so they defeated me. They took the best of you and the brought out the worst in me. But you STILL act like you don’t care.

I don’t know if you remember this but you mumbled something to me once that turned my whole world around. You told me you loved me. Remember? We on the dance floor. I was going to hug you and you held me and said “do you know how much I love you?” Oh how I did. I knew because I felt exactly the same. But now, I don’t know. I don’t know whether you loved me, and I don’t know whether I loved you. At the time you and those words, meant the world to me. Nothing and nobody else mattered, they never could.

Suddenly I couldn’t. I couldn’t love you anymore, I couldn’t put up with you. I just couldn’t. And I am sorry. I hope one day you find someone who will. I hope that she is great and makes you happy the way that that I couldn’t, because if I did I wouldn't be writing this letter.

Goodbye. That is all that I can say. At first only my arms had let you go but now my heart has too. I don’t cry anymore and I don’t lose sleep. But I must say I don’t laugh as much as i did. And still I am glad that you are gone.

I will always love you, more than anyone could ever know. That will never die, but I hate how you act. I loathe the person you make yourself out to be. Why do you insist on acting so hard when inside you have a heart that is so soft? Yeah okay, you have been hurt, but you are not the only one who has cried. Trust me.

I have never told you this but you saved my life. You came into my world exactly when I needed you. That is why I loved you so much, because you turned my whole being around. And my love did the same for you. I enlightened you, I made you a better person, and everyone could see. I am proud of you for letting me in the way you did. Thankyou. But now you are gone, and I think it is right.

Goodbye. That is my last word to you. Please dont forget me. I will never forget you.
Caroline.
6th May 2008

...You Saw Me Too

I saw you today, did you know that? Ofcourse you do because you saw me too. You smiled at me and said hello and I smiled back but that was all. Isnt it sad? Is it not a shame that this what we have succumbed to? This is all that is left. A smile. Not a touch, not a word, but a smile.

You do not know this but I cried afterwards. I broke down in solitude, where nobody could see. I dont know why. Maybe it was because I missed you, or maybe I want to be with you still. I dont really know, all that I do is that I shed a tear for you and for this I wont forgive myself because you tookthe best of me, and I let you take it.

Every Other Day People-By Jack Packham

A is for Androgonous
B is for Bavarian
C is for Charmanda
D is for Dogmatic
E is for Elegant
F is for Fat
G is for Goanna
H is for Heinous
I is for Iguana
J is for Jack
K is for Koala
L is for Limestone
M is for Maps
N is for Nelly
O is for Octagon
P is for Provincial
Q is for Quebec
R is for Regan
S is for Salamander
T is for Tertiary
U is for Underappreciated
V is for Vendetta
W is for Wilbur
X is for Xerces
Y is for Yellowstone
Z is for Zimbabwe

Confused and Scared

So we went out tonight. Him, me and a few friends. I thought I really liked him but now I am sitting in my bed, with second, third and fourth thoughts rushing through my head. I was thinking of 100 reasons why I should not fall for him, but there was only ONE feeling situated at the back of my head: FEAR. I fear that he doesn't like me therefore I will wind up heartbroken. Another rather BIG fear of mine is that I am not good enough for him, or I do not reach his standards. He is the "perfect" boy; smart, talented, fit, oh and did I mention smart. He has deep dimples and beautiful eyes and pink cheeks. He also has a really nice stance and strut. Told you he was perfect.

And what do I have? He just thinks that I am the "wog girl" who is not very bright. I know that just because HE does not think I am smart and talented does not mean that I am not. But you can't help but doubt yourself when someone as intelligent as he is does not think much of you, especially when you have feelings for him.

I will close my heart. Yes there is a chance that I will miss out on "a romance" but there is an even bigger chance that I will turn up heartbroken. I don't think I have healed since "the last one" anyway. But maybe that is just an excuse. Oh I do not know how I feel about anyone, all I know is that I am scared!

So what to do. Close my heart seems to be the only option.

I hope things turn around, but I hoesntly doubt that it would.

I will keep you posted.

...And Again

And again,
on a silver platter,
was placed a chance,
to my heart
and soul,
for happiness,
for bliss,
for one eternal kiss,
to touch,
to hold,
but my heart to the devil I have sold,
I am cursed,
to never love,
even if I am to be,
every time I say ill stay,
I run away,
as far as my legs can move,
away from sanity,
away from day,
away from bright,
and into shades of grey,
where nothing I say,
will make you stay.


Written: 14th March 2007

No Speak English

Have you ever caught yourself in the midst of doing something and suddenly stopping to realise that you don't know why you are doing it? An obvious example is when you walk into a room with a certain intention, and then you forget what it is, or if you are looking for something and you forget what? Well what about when you break up with someone and you only reminisce about the "good times" and want to get back with that person? When you are still in the process of “getting over that person” and suddenly you begin talking and fall for them all over again.

"Nostalgia." Such a dangerous term. My grandmother enters my mind when I think of this concept. She left war-torn Lebanon, with her 7 children and 1 suitcase, for that reason-the violence, the war and the hardship. Yet she insists that life there was GREAT!If it were as pleasant as she describes she would still be there would she not? Why would one pack their bags and travel thousands of kilometres to the "land down under," where the toilet flushed the other way and they drove on the "wrong" side of the road if she were happy and comfortable in Lebanon? If there was no hardship and suffering would she had even considered moving?

Now think about this concept in the context of relationships and break-ups. You are in a relationship, things don't work out and it ends. The first few weeks are difficult and simultaneously emancipating. Six months pass and you begin talking to your ex again. You discuss what you have been up to, what have you done or achieved since being apart. You might laugh together and begin to reminisce (there's that word again) and then you feel “funny.” You feel as though there are butterflies in your stomach. You develop "feelings" all over again and start thinking to yourself "why did we ever break up?" This is where you need to be strong. You broke up because "it" broke. Unfortunately no one changes. If the two of you broke up for a reason, chances are you would probably break up because of the same reason if you ever rekindled your relationship.

For your own sake do not be like my grandmother. Do not become nostalgic and start thinking only of the good times the two of you shared. The relationship broke down and you broke up-do you sense the repeated them here? If your relationship was going smoeethly you would still be in it! My grandmother sometimes forgets the circumstances under which she left Lebanon-she forgets the war, and having to lie about her children's age to keep them out of the army, she forgets the blood stained snow and the deafening sounds of bombs above her building every night. But you see, she does not know any better. To her that was home, she knew the language and the streets were familiar. She has come to the "new country' and it is here where she is a prisoner, where she barely leaves her house because she does not know where to go.

Don't be like her. Be smarter and stronger. Understand that your relationship ended for a reason, and that was that it broke. I realise that when we become nostalgic over "old loves" and "want them back" it is not necessarily the person we are missing but rather what they represented-companionship, love and someone to turn to. Maybe that is why my grandmother reminisces. Perhaps it is not hat she misses Lebanon, but she craves the familiarity of living in a country where she knows the language.

Be brave and more importantly be smart. Do not look back for positive reinforcement; rather look forward. You have finished that chapter in your life so close the book-if need be become the author of your own novel, just don’t think that what you had is by any means better than where you are going. Remember you broke up because it was broken. And as for my grandmother, well she I recently enrolled in English speaking classes.

Job Description

"When I grow up" I want to be a journalist. After a recent conversation with my university lecturer it hit me that most (good) jobs, including journalism, do not require university degrees. Mr Lecturer told me that " a journalist is anyone who has published a anything." Vague huh? So, since I have been working on this blog, I AM a journalist, wouldn't you think?

So I thought, "why am I studying?" Well rather than earning a degree ofcourse, can I not just publish THIS blog and publish a few opinion blogs in the Sydney Morning Herald and use that as a portfolio?

I will graduate university ofcourse, but can a degree ever really match up to a certain degree of experience? What if I never went to uni and obtained a degree, and I just began blogging, and it really it achieved 20,000 hits per week and a big media outlet took notice and hired me as a writer or a company noticed and advertised on my site? What then? Did I really need to go to uni? Or you can look at it from the other end. What if I obtain a degree but never have a good job? What is my degree worth?

I am scared. Im scared I wont make it. It has been a dream of mine, for as long as I could possibly remember to become a writer. Whether it be a novel or research or even a script, it is my passion, and I fear that I wont get a "big break." I wish to be very successful-am I being childish? I sit here and take a deep breath looking at my university assignment. Do I need to do really well in this to become a good writer and be successful "when I grow up?"

I do not know. All I can say is that I want to do do well and be successful in WHATEVER field I chose to endevour. I wish myself good luck. I will keep you posted on how I go-hopefully well.

Bigger Than Big

"Drama," "disaster," "tragedy,"...it goes on and on. These terms (and many more) illustrate the extent of the situation that you are "dealing with." But are they ever really that bad? When we look at ourselves in the mirror and think we look "fat" we exclaim "oh my goodness I look OBESE," or when we don't have much money we suggest that we are "poor." These are just a minor few examples ofcourse. What I am trying to say is that today we exaggerate every circumstance, to make it sound so much worse that it reall is. But what about the ACTUAL poor or morbidly obese person-what do they have to measure they extent of their situation to? Can they exaggerate? Also, could these "exaggerations" be responsible for the rising rate of depression, especially amongst adolescence? Many people say that "materialism" is to blame, although I would say that it is a result of a lack of comparison. Today, people are so ready to state the worse, that they feel as though there is nothing "worse" to compare themselves to-so when they do become worse, have they really hit rock bottom?

"I look like a pig." How depressing. Could you possibly compare yourself to anything worse or more degrading? Once you "...look like a pig" how much worse can you really look? ...And then the downward spiral begins.

So what do we do about it? Personally I do not think there is anything you can really do. This "exaggeration" is a prophecy that has been accumilated predominantly into western society amongst teens, and there would have to be a complete social overhaul prior to any significant change.

This post is just a thought I came across the other day when I looked in the mirror and said out loud "I look like a cow!" No, ofcourse I dont really look like a cow, but then I stopped and questioned my exclamation. "A cow?" Did I really look like a "cow?" I then realised that I was upset because I degraded myself. I compared myself to a derogatory animal and understandably I felt really mediocre about it.

So no. We never really look like cows or horses or squirrels. We look like humans-whether big or small we are human. I will no longer (voluntarily) degarde myself by comapring myself to a large animal again, and will correct anyone around me who does so.

Letting Go

Aleen is right about me. I really do sway from one extreme to another. I am either too happy or too sad; I either have too much money or too little, either dress really nicely or look really daggy. I just cannot seem to find a happy medium. And it is the same thing with “them.”

Gassia has a pattern. All of her boyfriends all have the same “look” about them; dark skin and spiky hair, and Anno, well she has just been with the same guy for almost forever. What about me? My pattern? I really don’t have one. I guess I am as random as the weather. Some aspects of their personalities match; for example I like insecure guys because I have a fantasy of being their so-called “saviour”, but besides that nothing seems regulated or even “thought about” for that matter.

It is extremely difficult to even begin to properly describe what I am trying to tell without stating names. Actually, I will make up names for the purpose of this article. A few years ago I fell head over heals with Fred. I had “known” him for a while, we went to the same high school and he was even my assistant basketball coach, I even thought he was extremely good looking, but we never really took any interest in one another. And then it happened. He had graduated high school, I was on my second last year and he continually approached me, at friend’s houses, at the shops, at functions... Honestly I really didn’t think much of him. I always thought, “What would he, someone who is older and more mature, want from a high school girl like me?” I guess that is just the thing about “great loves,” you never really expect them. So yeah, I fell in love. And then he just stopped. He stopped speaking to me, he stopped knowing me, and he just stopped. That’s another thing about this prophecy known as “love.” It is nothing but a chase. Somebody wants you they chase you. Once they have you they don’t want to play anymore. So you could imagine how my world came crashing down. Way, way down.

What I loved most about Fred though was his vulnerability. He was insecure and extremely shy. When he met someone new, he barely spoke, unless of course he was spoken to. He just had this innocence about him. He didn’t believe in himself, which is why he would spend his Saturday nights getting extremely drunk at UN until about 5am, which is why he never had a proper job, which is why he lied a lot about his past, which is why he lied about his future, which is why he cut off relationships, partly because he thought he was never good enough, which is why he felt like he had to put down others. Don’t ask me why but I fell in love with all that. I had this fantasy that I would tame him. I would make him a better person and he would love me more because of it. I dreamt that I would be the dominant party in the relationship and that he would just…I don’t know…let me. But boy was I wrong. He didn’t want any part in my fantasy; he barely even wanted to know me. I think creating a distance between us was his way of telling me that I knew too many of his secrets and he didn’t want me around in case I revealed them. Being in love of course I refused to listen to any of the signs and I tore down walls, eventually tearing apart my own heart, for him to pay attention to me.

And then I gave up. I had to. I just threw in the towel. He had won. He didn’t want me so I left him alone. I left and as soon as I did he found someone new. I always secretly hoped that it wasn’t me that was the problem, that it was him. That he was the one afraid of commitment, and that if he wouldn’t be with me he wouldn’t be with anyone. Could I have been more stupid? All along he was telling me, in not so many words, to leave me alone but I just kept holding on until finally when I did let go he swung right into somebody else’s arms. I saw him a little bit after he began seeing his new girlfriend. I hugged him and told him I missed him. He didn’t reply. The signs were screaming and this time I listened. I pulled away and have never “touched” him again. Until today I have never stopped thinking about my “great unrequited love.” I wait for the day that I will see him again. I also await his response. When will he ever tell me that he misses me to?

I suppose “getting over” was made a little easier by my next affiliation. I wont say that he was a great love, but rather a great mistake. Thomas, as I will refer to him, came into my life a little over a year ago, and has haunted my thought ever since. We spent time together, spoke together, laughed together and even bled together, but all that was never good enough. He told me about previous heartaches and how his trust in the opposite sex had been hindered. He told me how he let them become close to him, and then they betrayed him. I think he was telling me as if to either warn me, or educate me. It is funny. He knew I was good, he knew I would do ANYTHING for him and yet he kept me at an arms length. One day close and the next distant, one day nice and the next cruel. His fluctuating moods caused my heart and emotions to do the same. When he was “good” I felt great; when he was “bad” I just wanted to die. He knew the effect he had on me, he knew how he made me feel, and yet he continued to act. I just don’t understand how someone could know they were inflicting pain onto another being, and just keep doing it?

Why did I put up with so much? In retrospect believed that if I held through in the end we would together be in a perfect relation, whatever that is. Oh how naïve of I. For someone who is meant to be “intelligent” I sure can be stupid sometimes.

That is when I changed my mind. I didn’t want to feel this way anymore; helpless. My “happiness” was in the hands of someone else, someone who was breaking my heart on purpose. Someone who was crude and selfish and who didn’t care what pain he caused me. I ended my relationship with him and I haven’t looked back. I must admit our good days were “good,” but in no way did they outweigh the “bad.” Yes, I do miss him, but I am also strong. I have overcome any nostalgic feeling I may have and have come out on top. This emancipation was much easier that initially thought, you just have to decide to “free” yourself. And I did, and now everyday is a “good” day.

So, I guess Aleen is right. I suppose I do sway from one extreme to another. And although I may not always see the truth straightaway, when it knocks at my head, I always answer.

Victim Hearts; Poor Circles

I recently had an argument with a colleague who has been tied up over a girl, and can’t seem to let her go. She now is in a new relationship, is happy, and barely speaks to my friend, and yet he remains in love with her. I just don’t understand. He becomes very miserable when she is mentioned and I can tell that he thinks about her all the time. She has made it perfectly clear that she no longer wants anything to do with him, but he just cannot seem to let her go. His stubborn nature is extremely infuriating, which is why a few nights ago I lashed out uncontrollably and poured my heart out, exclaiming to my broken-hearted friend that he needs to “…be a man and move on!” He was hurt, that became perfectly clear, but his state of mind didn’t change. He held onto his “victim” status, this “victim” mentality that he so readily keeps playing on. I explained to him that he wasn’t a victim, and that he was doing all “this” to himself. He told me that he was, and that no body ever stopped to think about him. I bet you are wandering “where the hell are you going with this,” but I have a point I promise. I explained to my friend that getting over somebody is easy and that I had recently accomplished it. I broke out of a relationship because, hey, I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t being treated great, heck, I was barely being treated as a “human.” So I got out. I found that that this experience gave me reason and authority to lash out at my friend for still being “hooked.”

My friend told me something then that made me think. He told me that getting over somebody wasn’t as easy as just “forgetting” about them, but rather allowing yourself to think that you were in a better situation than them, and thus moving forward, rather than moving “on.” His ex was now happily with another, someone of high social calibre. He was wealthy, handsome and had numerous friends, pretty much an all-rounder. She also had a new job and had even changed her social circle. Is this why he was finding it extremely difficult to move on? Is this why he was he felt like a victim? Because she dumped him, she moved forward without even a glimpse back? Because he had not yet found his CORE happiness, and she had already moved so forward that she was out of this universe? Ouch, without a doubt it would hurt, but I still don’t understand how that itself wouldn’t allow you to move on.

And then I thought some more. How was it that I was able to move on so quickly? I mean yeah, I grieved for a little while, but I bounced back hastily. I concluded that it was because I was in a better position than my ex. His circle of friends were a horrible influence, mine were great and extremely supportive. He was stuck in a 9-5 job every day while I was enjoying myself at uni, was working and had plenty of free time. Also many other things like buying myself a new car, and tutoring and meeting new people and going to new places upgraded my quality and standard of living while his remained mundane.

So maybe there is validity to my friend’s theory. Maybe its not YOU that moves on from somebody, but it is your circumstance, your “status” being above and beyond their’s which makes you feel invincible. Maybe my friend will never move on so long as his ex is “happy”, but one thing that I do know that once you do move on you feel as though you can take on the world. But until then you just have to hold on, and if you feel that your ex partner is beating you in this game of “who can get better quicker” don’t feel discouraged and quit, but rather keep your head down and do things that will improve yourself and your standard of living. Get a new job, join the gym, I mean I know this concept may sound unbelievable but you may even meet someone new and forget about that callous person who broke your “victim” heart.

Something Like A Phenomenon

"Emancipation." What a word. What a term. Oh how good it feels to be free. Free from pain, free from fear, free from doom. All-in -all, free from love.

"Relief." This term follows. Broken hearts healed, joined together by glue otherwise knows as courage, prosperity and faith. All people have experienced this great phenomenon knows as heartache, but has everybody ventured the equally marvellous prodigy knows as "love?" Peoples hearts are torn apart and shattered each day, but do as many people fall in love? And if so, then why is every song on the radio, every book on the self, every article in the paper based on a broken heart? I mean yes, ofcourse true love occurs, but how long does it really last? When you fall in love there is the chance of losing that person. Once they are gone, what else is there? The hope that they will come back? The faith they another will enter your life? Keep dreaming reader!

And that brings me to another thought. What if our dreams can never be reality? What if we are doomed to prosper in only what we currently live in-our reality. Is this it? Lonely nights, meaningless hook-ups, a meeting here and there which prospers into a relaionship, later for the particpants to realise that their other is cheating, or dealing or even is married to someone else! I have a friend (who will remain nameless.) She fell head-over-heel inlove with a man whom she thought loved her back. They went on holidays together, slept together, ate together. One dreadful day, my nameless friend receives a call from her boyfriends so-called WIFE. Never again did she see or speak to him. Do you see what I mean? Is this it?

And yes, okay, you find the right one and marry. Then what? Have a few kids, gain a mortgage and then divorce. You don't need to wander far to acknowledge how many marriaged end successfully?

What is happening to us? Is love growing further from us, or hered a though, are we growing away from love? We all want a special someone to share our lives with, but is it now a little more superficial than that? Are we all looking for a certain type, for a certain fantast that can remain merely that, a fantasy. What if we arent any longer looking for love but rather heartache? I read recently that people enjoy being miserable. Do we like to such an extent that we confuse it for love?

I bet I have your head tangled right now. Well, that brings me back to my intial paragraph. "Emancipation" and "relief." What better terms following such an article.