I was told yesterday by someone that I was the most insecure person that they know. And I thought about it, and I was. Well, i dont know if I was the most insecure person that they knew, but I was insecure. Sometimes I just dont feel good enough, actually I think the word is "worthy." I just feel like having me around is a chore, is a task, so much so not an enjoyable concept. I have come to learn that I am my own worst enemy. Lately I have had thoughts, actually no scrap that, I have had demons digging away at the thoughts in my head, stimulating them into dark, negative shadows within my head.
There is a dark whole, a pit in the centre of my gut, it is open, and out of it is flowing my tears . "Stay strong," I tell myself, "after the storm comes the rainbow," but its hard. It is hard not to cry, it is hard to lift my head and gaze, it is hard to inhale and even harder to allow my heart to beat without exerting pain. My best friend told me that I enjoy feeling this way, but I promise that I dont. I have been happy, I have flown, but I find that each time I do I just crash and burn; each time I fly I just fall.
I read somewhere once that everyone has the same mission in life; to find themselves and to find love. So then why are some people insecure; why am I insecure? I just have the same mission as everyone else in this life, but yet i feel inadequate. Why do i doubt myself and my goals if they are the same as everyone elses? Is everyone insecure? Maybe everyone secretly doubts themselves?
I feel like Im trapped, and even if I wanted to get out of this bubble of negatvity I couldnt.
Maybe I just dont want to.
