The fork in the road is still prevalent in my life, although only recently, and by recently I mean in the last week, I have decided which path I will travel down.
Sure the future looks bright, but I can’t help but think of what was. What brought me here? What was on that road? What led me to this eventuality?
The answer to these questions are infinite, but I will start by looking back at the year that was – 2012.
It began by my trip across the US. Deciding I would be travelling exactly 8 days prior meant that I did not have time to anticipate the trip – it just happened – and I think for this reason I enjoyed it immensely. No planning, no thinking…just living!
New York, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Las Vegas and Los Angeles. My heart fluttered as I walked the streets and concourses of these amazing cities. Breathing it all in, taking it all in – I never yearned to travel to America but I am so glad I did. My life changed. Some of these changes have already taken effect and others, well, I guess I am yet to experience. Oh, and I had no idea “San Francisco” was spelt the way it is. I always thought it was an “s” after the “n” – as in “Fransisco.”
Heartbreak city. I ended a two and a half year relationship in April. This was a direct result of some of the “growing up” I did in the US. I wanted more from the relationship, and could not foresee my desires becoming apparent. I am not talking about being engaged or anything like that – more an intangible sense of emotional security and trust. I wanted to know that the hard work that goes into creating and maintaining a relationship would pay off.
Working in retail - something I never thought I would do. Then again it is my mother’s store, so nobody can condemn me for helping out in family business.
September. A dark month.
“Not Guilty”.
The tears, pain and anxiety will never be forgotten. It was worse than when he was killed because although he was gone, we believed some justice would be served.
Nothing.
She walked out of the courthouse, free, and he remains in the ground with his family eternally bound to the pain of losing him – a son, a brother, a cousin, a loved one, a friend. The pain will forever imprison our hearts.
Days of blackness.
Days of sorrow.
Days of tears.
Losing faith, but still praying. Losing hope but still yearning.
I still await the true results of her actions, the true consequences only to be handed down by The Lord. No warning will be set. I will not receive an email by the law enforcers of NSW telling me the date of the hearing and explaining where the nearest train station to the courthouse is. It will be when He decides is best.
I never lost faith, although everyone around me did. Justice shall be served. I guess this experience allowed me to realise that my faith is strong. Only when it was truly tested and challenged did it shine through.
Today Tonight. What a tough interview! Hearing my aunty trying to voice to the entire country her feelings in a language she cannot speak. Even if she was fluent in English, which words could appropriately describe the pain of losing her son, and having his killer walk free? Do such words even exist?
We thought the interview was solely to voice our “side of the story”. We discovered, after shooting, that they had also interviewed her, the killer. We accepted to air both interviews as one story, and it did on November 5th, 2012. We felt extremely anxious and unnerved watching the trailers as we did not know what to expect.
The result was…okay. Not good and not bad. They showed her side and they showed ours, although they brought up the fact that her “story”, the fable about him hitting her over the head was probably fiction seeing as though no scientic evidence was concluded. Of course she would have made up a story – it is human nature. Even children do it in the playground when they think they are going to get into trouble. The court system just failed to see that.
The year was turbulent. It started off great but ended roughly. There were a lot of pain and a lot of tears. 2012 has scarred me but the one thing that has not changed, and never will, was my support system. My best friends and my family were always there.
The road that is “2012” was broken, but I am starting to find my happiness, so perhaps the tough journey is needed for the destination to shine. Yes I know, too many metaphors in this piece, and a tad cheesy, but hey, its true.
Here is to a great 2013 – hit me with your best shot!
