My mum’s Spanish Filipino friend, Maria, hosted a dinner party last Saturday night. The guest list was limited. Some might even argue that it was “exclusive.” My dad, mum, aunt from Lebanon, myself and Maria’s her 28-year-old daughter Monica were invited. That was it. Because she was from the Philippines, Maria yearned to cook authentic Seafood Paella for us, a common Spanish dish about which she boasted, saying “my dad says I cook it well…so I must cook it pretty fucking well!”
But cooking and condiments is not what this piece is about. What screamed out to me during the evening were the behavioral differences between the generations, and how obviously different Monica and I treated this dinner party compared to our middle aged parents.
I have always prided myself on having a “young mum”. She is into fashion, good restaurants and movies, and I love that I can share my joys and interests with somebody so close to me even though she is a whole generation “older” than me. But like I said before, Paella night at Maria’s acutely reminded me that she is not my age and she did grow up during a different time to me.
Lets begin with when we first walked in. I haven’t mentioned yet that I am 23 years old, even a few years younger than Monica, although it seemed we shared the same outlook on social behavior. As soon as “my parents” hustled through the front door, they put down the delicious ricotta cheesecake that they brought as a polite gesture. The next event was my mum declaring, “…We all have a drink.” So the middle-aged people did exactly that. Maria, my parents and my aunt sat outside with two bottles of wine and began drinking.
“Caroline would you like a drink?”
“No thank you I do not drink.”
“Oh Goodness. Mon does not drink either.”
Monica and I sat inside on the couch in front of the heater, talking and chatting over a bowl of crackers. Then they started smoking. Benson & Hedges, Marlboro and Winfield – such an array of cigarettes for only 4 people.
“I think I am drunk.”
Laughter.
“No really I am tipsy.”
We decided to join our fun loving parents outside, who seemed to be having a blast. We could barely breathe due to the thick layers of cigarette smoke lingering in the air, but it seemed as though my mum could not stop laughing and Maria was swearing and…well…acting drunk.
Time to eat. Monica and I enjoyed small portions of Paella and large amounts of salad. Our mothers had the opposite. And they were drunk. As soon as they had finished eating, they bolted back to the balcony to feed their other addictions. More wine and even more cigarettes…
Monica made herself a cup of herbal tea. I was ecstatic as I also really enjoyed a cup of tea after my dinner but thought it would be out of place to ask for one. She made me one too and we headed to the balcony, holding our mugs, to join our “cool” mums.
“Here come the grandmas with their tea.”
Laughter.
That was what it hit me! What on Earth was going on? The 50 somethings were drinking and smoking and having a great time, whilst the 20 somethings, also having a fine time, were holding mugs of hot and healthy herbal tea and sitting on a couch, under the blanket engaging in deep conversation.
I am not berating the older generation and praising my own, but I was surprised and stricken at the difference in social comportment between the generations. Is it because Monica and I have been educated, both formally and socially, that we don’t see the need to drink and smoke when getting together with friends? Actually, when my friends and I get together for dinner at one’s house we prepare healthy foods, cooking and including a lot of salads in our meal. Ordering pizzas or picking up greasy hamburger and takeaways is a thing of the past. And what about the herbal tea? I am sure it is not just Monica and I who are into it. During my most recent visit to the “Aroma Festival” at The Rocks in Sydney, the organic tea stand was extremely busy, as impatient 20 somethings waited in line to take home their organic jasmine and green tea cylinders.
Perhaps it is that we have both grown up in Australia -a developed country- rather than in the Philippines as Maria had or in the Middle East like my parents and aunt. In both these countries smoking and drinking is rife, and government interference with substance abuse and addiction is kept to a minimum.
Another thought that crossed my mind when thinking about the generational differences was how society excludes smokers and drinkers from “being with the rest of the group.” When you go to a restaurant you need to go outside to smoke-usually far away from the restaurant. Think about it. Just picture how much it interrupts your lunch or night out with friends. You physically need to get up, excuse yourself, stand in solitude (sometimes a friend may join you), fight the elements and then come back to your seat, where the rest of the group would have continued with their conversation or moved on. Tough guidelines regarding smoking have almost made it a “criminal act”, demonizing the smoker and turning them into an outsider. Monica and I have grown and up and developed our social skills in this kind of strict environment and for that reason consider smoking and drinking a burden more than a “cool thing to do.” I voiced my observations to mum once we arrived home from the party and she said that she had noticed the generational distinctions too. I explained my “burden” theory and she said that when she was growing up, in the 1980s, it was cool to smoke, and if you didn’t smoke you were an outsider. She explained how her friend had an electronic cigarette that omitted smoke, so that he may feel like he was “part of the group.” Boy how times have changed. These days nicotine patches, gum, vapor drops and nose sprays are rife, all to deter people from smoking.
I would argue that the two main causes for generational distinctions when it comes to social behaviors are education, which has taught us the dangers and consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle, and subsequently the benefits of healthy habits and social deterrence, drilling the “rules” so deeply into our culture that it has become apart of our lifestyle. No longer will I go to a bar and have an alcoholic drink at 10pm, because I will be at the bustling coffee shop, which is open until midnight every night, enjoying my healthy and refreshing pot of green tea.
