Remember when you were in primary school and the cool boy (or girl) always teased you? When you told your mum about it she just told you “not to worry” and that “he likes you”? Well what if that kind of 'infantile' behaviour carried on into your adulthood? What if someone of the opposite sex teased you on purpose, constantly putting you down in front of others? That theory sounds kind of justifiable doesn’t it, that there is a 'reason' behind your mysery? But what if you used the “primary school” explanation to justify heartache? Is it viable?
I have been using this very idea to justify my pain. That he is making fun of me because he wants my attention. But I fear, somewhere deep inside that it is more than that, that it is more of an "adult issue". Perhaps he is hurting me to prove to me (and to a certain extent to himself) that he is over me. I am sure children’s theories don’t justify the complex behaviours of adults, or do they? And if they do how should I react? Should I go home, crying, and lock myself in my room or should I face him, ask him what his problem is and tell him to get over it? Can i deal with a child's issue like an adult?
They say that this is an adult’s world, but this problem is child’s play-and I don’t know the rules. His rather immature behaviour and gestures shouldn’t upset me, but the truth is that they do, and I don’t know to deal with it. Sometimes I want to place my face in my palms and cry and other times I want to stomp my feet up and down and shout, but no matter what I prefer him in my life, torturing me, than out of my life, lost deep within my memories. Maybe I am the child here, the one playing the games…with myself. My mind understands the damage he has caused but my heart yearns for more. There is a game of cat and mouse going on here, and as I said before, I don’t know how to play. The scoreboard is on and the clock is ticking, it is the last quater, but it is not over until it is over!
So here I am, a girl in the school playground and the cute boy is tormenting me, but I somewhat enjoy the attention. I run after him as a form of retaliation, making it seem as though I am chasing him away, but deep down inside I know that I am the one running after him, and he is running away…
