Victim Hearts; Poor Circles

I recently had an argument with a colleague who has been tied up over a girl, and can’t seem to let her go. She now is in a new relationship, is happy, and barely speaks to my friend, and yet he remains in love with her. I just don’t understand. He becomes very miserable when she is mentioned and I can tell that he thinks about her all the time. She has made it perfectly clear that she no longer wants anything to do with him, but he just cannot seem to let her go. His stubborn nature is extremely infuriating, which is why a few nights ago I lashed out uncontrollably and poured my heart out, exclaiming to my broken-hearted friend that he needs to “…be a man and move on!” He was hurt, that became perfectly clear, but his state of mind didn’t change. He held onto his “victim” status, this “victim” mentality that he so readily keeps playing on. I explained to him that he wasn’t a victim, and that he was doing all “this” to himself. He told me that he was, and that no body ever stopped to think about him. I bet you are wandering “where the hell are you going with this,” but I have a point I promise. I explained to my friend that getting over somebody is easy and that I had recently accomplished it. I broke out of a relationship because, hey, I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t being treated great, heck, I was barely being treated as a “human.” So I got out. I found that that this experience gave me reason and authority to lash out at my friend for still being “hooked.”

My friend told me something then that made me think. He told me that getting over somebody wasn’t as easy as just “forgetting” about them, but rather allowing yourself to think that you were in a better situation than them, and thus moving forward, rather than moving “on.” His ex was now happily with another, someone of high social calibre. He was wealthy, handsome and had numerous friends, pretty much an all-rounder. She also had a new job and had even changed her social circle. Is this why he was finding it extremely difficult to move on? Is this why he was he felt like a victim? Because she dumped him, she moved forward without even a glimpse back? Because he had not yet found his CORE happiness, and she had already moved so forward that she was out of this universe? Ouch, without a doubt it would hurt, but I still don’t understand how that itself wouldn’t allow you to move on.

And then I thought some more. How was it that I was able to move on so quickly? I mean yeah, I grieved for a little while, but I bounced back hastily. I concluded that it was because I was in a better position than my ex. His circle of friends were a horrible influence, mine were great and extremely supportive. He was stuck in a 9-5 job every day while I was enjoying myself at uni, was working and had plenty of free time. Also many other things like buying myself a new car, and tutoring and meeting new people and going to new places upgraded my quality and standard of living while his remained mundane.

So maybe there is validity to my friend’s theory. Maybe its not YOU that moves on from somebody, but it is your circumstance, your “status” being above and beyond their’s which makes you feel invincible. Maybe my friend will never move on so long as his ex is “happy”, but one thing that I do know that once you do move on you feel as though you can take on the world. But until then you just have to hold on, and if you feel that your ex partner is beating you in this game of “who can get better quicker” don’t feel discouraged and quit, but rather keep your head down and do things that will improve yourself and your standard of living. Get a new job, join the gym, I mean I know this concept may sound unbelievable but you may even meet someone new and forget about that callous person who broke your “victim” heart.

Something Like A Phenomenon

"Emancipation." What a word. What a term. Oh how good it feels to be free. Free from pain, free from fear, free from doom. All-in -all, free from love.

"Relief." This term follows. Broken hearts healed, joined together by glue otherwise knows as courage, prosperity and faith. All people have experienced this great phenomenon knows as heartache, but has everybody ventured the equally marvellous prodigy knows as "love?" Peoples hearts are torn apart and shattered each day, but do as many people fall in love? And if so, then why is every song on the radio, every book on the self, every article in the paper based on a broken heart? I mean yes, ofcourse true love occurs, but how long does it really last? When you fall in love there is the chance of losing that person. Once they are gone, what else is there? The hope that they will come back? The faith they another will enter your life? Keep dreaming reader!

And that brings me to another thought. What if our dreams can never be reality? What if we are doomed to prosper in only what we currently live in-our reality. Is this it? Lonely nights, meaningless hook-ups, a meeting here and there which prospers into a relaionship, later for the particpants to realise that their other is cheating, or dealing or even is married to someone else! I have a friend (who will remain nameless.) She fell head-over-heel inlove with a man whom she thought loved her back. They went on holidays together, slept together, ate together. One dreadful day, my nameless friend receives a call from her boyfriends so-called WIFE. Never again did she see or speak to him. Do you see what I mean? Is this it?

And yes, okay, you find the right one and marry. Then what? Have a few kids, gain a mortgage and then divorce. You don't need to wander far to acknowledge how many marriaged end successfully?

What is happening to us? Is love growing further from us, or hered a though, are we growing away from love? We all want a special someone to share our lives with, but is it now a little more superficial than that? Are we all looking for a certain type, for a certain fantast that can remain merely that, a fantasy. What if we arent any longer looking for love but rather heartache? I read recently that people enjoy being miserable. Do we like to such an extent that we confuse it for love?

I bet I have your head tangled right now. Well, that brings me back to my intial paragraph. "Emancipation" and "relief." What better terms following such an article.