I was reading the several confidential letters that I have written to you and oh so much has changed. We became friends, best friends in fact, and now it seems like a dream. I think about you and I try to remember the millions of seconds that we spent together but I can't. All that I recall is my happiness.
I woke up and now you are gone. I pushed you away, and I hate to admit that I want you back.
I thought I hated you, but now I know that I dont. I just loved you too much to see you always doing wrong. Your flaws and mistakes were becoming mine. They defeated you so they defeated me. They took the best of you and the brought out the worst in me. But you STILL act like you don’t care.
I don’t know if you remember this but you mumbled something to me once that turned my whole world around. You told me you loved me. Remember? We on the dance floor. I was going to hug you and you held me and said “do you know how much I love you?” Oh how I did. I knew because I felt exactly the same. But now, I don’t know. I don’t know whether you loved me, and I don’t know whether I loved you. At the time you and those words, meant the world to me. Nothing and nobody else mattered, they never could.
Suddenly I couldn’t. I couldn’t love you anymore, I couldn’t put up with you. I just couldn’t. And I am sorry. I hope one day you find someone who will. I hope that she is great and makes you happy the way that that I couldn’t, because if I did I wouldn't be writing this letter.
Goodbye. That is all that I can say. At first only my arms had let you go but now my heart has too. I don’t cry anymore and I don’t lose sleep. But I must say I don’t laugh as much as i did. And still I am glad that you are gone.
I will always love you, more than anyone could ever know. That will never die, but I hate how you act. I loathe the person you make yourself out to be. Why do you insist on acting so hard when inside you have a heart that is so soft? Yeah okay, you have been hurt, but you are not the only one who has cried. Trust me.
I have never told you this but you saved my life. You came into my world exactly when I needed you. That is why I loved you so much, because you turned my whole being around. And my love did the same for you. I enlightened you, I made you a better person, and everyone could see. I am proud of you for letting me in the way you did. Thankyou. But now you are gone, and I think it is right.
Goodbye. That is my last word to you. Please dont forget me. I will never forget you.
Caroline.
6th May 2008
