My mum’s Spanish Filipino friend, Maria, hosted a dinner party last Saturday night. The guest list was limited. Some might even argue that it was “exclusive.” My dad, mum, aunt from Lebanon, myself and Maria’s her 28-year-old daughter Monica were invited. That was it. Because she was from the Philippines, Maria yearned to cook authentic Seafood Paella for us, a common Spanish dish about which she boasted, saying “my dad says I cook it well…so I must cook it pretty fucking well!”
But cooking and condiments is not what this piece is about. What screamed out to me during the evening were the behavioral differences between the generations, and how obviously different Monica and I treated this dinner party compared to our middle aged parents.
I have always prided myself on having a “young mum”. She is into fashion, good restaurants and movies, and I love that I can share my joys and interests with somebody so close to me even though she is a whole generation “older” than me. But like I said before, Paella night at Maria’s acutely reminded me that she is not my age and she did grow up during a different time to me.
Lets begin with when we first walked in. I haven’t mentioned yet that I am 23 years old, even a few years younger than Monica, although it seemed we shared the same outlook on social behavior. As soon as “my parents” hustled through the front door, they put down the delicious ricotta cheesecake that they brought as a polite gesture. The next event was my mum declaring, “…We all have a drink.” So the middle-aged people did exactly that. Maria, my parents and my aunt sat outside with two bottles of wine and began drinking.
“Caroline would you like a drink?”
“No thank you I do not drink.”
“Oh Goodness. Mon does not drink either.”
Monica and I sat inside on the couch in front of the heater, talking and chatting over a bowl of crackers. Then they started smoking. Benson & Hedges, Marlboro and Winfield – such an array of cigarettes for only 4 people.
“I think I am drunk.”
Laughter.
“No really I am tipsy.”
We decided to join our fun loving parents outside, who seemed to be having a blast. We could barely breathe due to the thick layers of cigarette smoke lingering in the air, but it seemed as though my mum could not stop laughing and Maria was swearing and…well…acting drunk.
Time to eat. Monica and I enjoyed small portions of Paella and large amounts of salad. Our mothers had the opposite. And they were drunk. As soon as they had finished eating, they bolted back to the balcony to feed their other addictions. More wine and even more cigarettes…
Monica made herself a cup of herbal tea. I was ecstatic as I also really enjoyed a cup of tea after my dinner but thought it would be out of place to ask for one. She made me one too and we headed to the balcony, holding our mugs, to join our “cool” mums.
“Here come the grandmas with their tea.”
Laughter.
That was what it hit me! What on Earth was going on? The 50 somethings were drinking and smoking and having a great time, whilst the 20 somethings, also having a fine time, were holding mugs of hot and healthy herbal tea and sitting on a couch, under the blanket engaging in deep conversation.
I am not berating the older generation and praising my own, but I was surprised and stricken at the difference in social comportment between the generations. Is it because Monica and I have been educated, both formally and socially, that we don’t see the need to drink and smoke when getting together with friends? Actually, when my friends and I get together for dinner at one’s house we prepare healthy foods, cooking and including a lot of salads in our meal. Ordering pizzas or picking up greasy hamburger and takeaways is a thing of the past. And what about the herbal tea? I am sure it is not just Monica and I who are into it. During my most recent visit to the “Aroma Festival” at The Rocks in Sydney, the organic tea stand was extremely busy, as impatient 20 somethings waited in line to take home their organic jasmine and green tea cylinders.
Perhaps it is that we have both grown up in Australia -a developed country- rather than in the Philippines as Maria had or in the Middle East like my parents and aunt. In both these countries smoking and drinking is rife, and government interference with substance abuse and addiction is kept to a minimum.
Another thought that crossed my mind when thinking about the generational differences was how society excludes smokers and drinkers from “being with the rest of the group.” When you go to a restaurant you need to go outside to smoke-usually far away from the restaurant. Think about it. Just picture how much it interrupts your lunch or night out with friends. You physically need to get up, excuse yourself, stand in solitude (sometimes a friend may join you), fight the elements and then come back to your seat, where the rest of the group would have continued with their conversation or moved on. Tough guidelines regarding smoking have almost made it a “criminal act”, demonizing the smoker and turning them into an outsider. Monica and I have grown and up and developed our social skills in this kind of strict environment and for that reason consider smoking and drinking a burden more than a “cool thing to do.” I voiced my observations to mum once we arrived home from the party and she said that she had noticed the generational distinctions too. I explained my “burden” theory and she said that when she was growing up, in the 1980s, it was cool to smoke, and if you didn’t smoke you were an outsider. She explained how her friend had an electronic cigarette that omitted smoke, so that he may feel like he was “part of the group.” Boy how times have changed. These days nicotine patches, gum, vapor drops and nose sprays are rife, all to deter people from smoking.
I would argue that the two main causes for generational distinctions when it comes to social behaviors are education, which has taught us the dangers and consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle, and subsequently the benefits of healthy habits and social deterrence, drilling the “rules” so deeply into our culture that it has become apart of our lifestyle. No longer will I go to a bar and have an alcoholic drink at 10pm, because I will be at the bustling coffee shop, which is open until midnight every night, enjoying my healthy and refreshing pot of green tea.
Monday, 11 June 2012
Wednesday, 27 July 2011
Quaint, Friendly and Down To Earth
My Review Of Jasper Hotel - Melbourne
If you are looking for a flashy, posh and bustling hotel where men constantly hold Blackberries to their ears, wear business suits and carry watches even more expensive than their vintage Rolls Royces, then this is not that place for you.
But, if tranquillity and personalized service is what you are after, then Jasper Hotel is your mini goldmine, conveniently located at the tip of Melbourne's CBD.
The reception staff must have been anticipating our arrival, as upon walking in they greeted my boyfriend and I by his name, which is unusual since he has a Middle Eastern, excruciatingly hard to pronounce, but all the while exotic name.
Tim, the manager escorted us to the elevator and showed us to our room. I have always stayed at large, more bustling hotels and never had I been treated so attentively by the reception staff.
Very refreshing.
The rooms were clean and well presented. Our beds were made each morning, and toiletries adequately replenished.
The hotel was conveniently located across the road from a major tram station, allowing us instant access to every angle to beautiful Melbourne city.
I preferred that we were not located directly in the heart of the CBD, as it allowed us to walk and discover gorgeous boutique restaurants and book stores that we wouldn't have visited otherwise.
Breakfast was amazing!
I did not even have to try the food to decipher this, as Jasper Kitchen was hustling and bustling morning after morning after morning after morning. The gorgeous aromas of fresh bread and coffee wafted through the lobby and into the elevators, and my boyfriend and I just couldn't wait to devour our meals. I must say, the poached eggs are simply fantastic!
Finally, I would like to thank Karl, who organized an airport shuttle bus for us within a few hours, when one would generally need to give 24 hours notice.
I would definitely stay here again, and recommend anybody who is looking for a quaint and down to Earth haven that is close to but far enough from the shops (just in case you run out of money) give it a try!
If you are looking for a flashy, posh and bustling hotel where men constantly hold Blackberries to their ears, wear business suits and carry watches even more expensive than their vintage Rolls Royces, then this is not that place for you.
But, if tranquillity and personalized service is what you are after, then Jasper Hotel is your mini goldmine, conveniently located at the tip of Melbourne's CBD.
The reception staff must have been anticipating our arrival, as upon walking in they greeted my boyfriend and I by his name, which is unusual since he has a Middle Eastern, excruciatingly hard to pronounce, but all the while exotic name.
Tim, the manager escorted us to the elevator and showed us to our room. I have always stayed at large, more bustling hotels and never had I been treated so attentively by the reception staff.
Very refreshing.
The rooms were clean and well presented. Our beds were made each morning, and toiletries adequately replenished.
The hotel was conveniently located across the road from a major tram station, allowing us instant access to every angle to beautiful Melbourne city.
I preferred that we were not located directly in the heart of the CBD, as it allowed us to walk and discover gorgeous boutique restaurants and book stores that we wouldn't have visited otherwise.
Breakfast was amazing!
I did not even have to try the food to decipher this, as Jasper Kitchen was hustling and bustling morning after morning after morning after morning. The gorgeous aromas of fresh bread and coffee wafted through the lobby and into the elevators, and my boyfriend and I just couldn't wait to devour our meals. I must say, the poached eggs are simply fantastic!
Finally, I would like to thank Karl, who organized an airport shuttle bus for us within a few hours, when one would generally need to give 24 hours notice.
I would definitely stay here again, and recommend anybody who is looking for a quaint and down to Earth haven that is close to but far enough from the shops (just in case you run out of money) give it a try!
Thursday, 17 February 2011
A Letter to my Sixteen Year Old Self (inspired by the novel of the same name)
Dear Caroline,
Just because you have a lot of clothes it doesn’t mean that you are stylish, so stop buying! You already know this, but I feel that I need to remind you. Rummaging through cheap Asian stores in Darling Harbour trying to find the cheapest and brightest item before anyone else is are not going to make you feel or look better. The same goes for "Vinnies." I know you tell yourself “its for charity” but the junk you buy doesn’t fit, and in a few years, after mum’s incessant hassling, you are going to throw out about 5 rubbish bags full of them. Sponsor a child instead.
Another piece of fashion advice is to stop wearing skiivis! They don’t look good! You think your boobs are too big and that, I understand, and that skiivis conceal them, but they in fact make them appear much bigger and rounder. Also, and probably most importantly, stop buying them in light colours! You are going to review photos and experience a real “what the hell was I thinking” moment, whilst hating the people around you for not tackling them off you thread by thread.
Stop looking back when it comes to love! I know that you are ferociously in love right now, but the truth is, dear girl, he does not love you back. You are wasting your time and energy and quiet frankly Aleen is sick of hearing your poems. The two of you will laugh about this in a few years, but for the time being it is really annoying her.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t fall in love, because you will, and it will feel wonderful! But, you should also learn when to fall out of it. Do not sacrifice your time and beliefs for people who only put up with you. Stand up for what you think is right, and when you have had enough say so. This will make people respect you, and most importantly allow you respect yourself.
Follow your intuitions, they almost never fail you. In fact, you are going to “meet” (if you have not so already) the man that you are going to want to marry because you did.
Like yourself. I must warn you that you are going to gain a heap of weight, but this is only because you do not like your body. Accept it, embrace it and you will find that things will change. I do not want to disclose too much but lets just say your boobs drop down to a 12B.
Be patient with you sister; she is going to surprise you. Right now, she is the 13 year old brat who mum is begging for you to take everywhere, but she is going to grow into a very determined young lady who, believe it or not, drives a better car than you! She will never stop taking your clothes, so it is most important that you keep hiding them (and remember where you put them).
You are going to learn that you parents are people too. They are doing the best they can so just be patient; especially with your mum. She is about to go through a lot so just be there for her. Although you don’t know it now, she is very intelligent and is going to set up you future in a way that will shock everyone.
One thing I will commend you on is your hard work. Well done on achieving great results at school, this will help you a lot in the future. Speaking of which, stop worrying, things have a funny way of falling into place.
Keep in touch with old friends. You will be amazed at how you can so easily pick up where you left off.
Do not settle for the first car you come across when you are shopping for a brand new one, despite what your dad says.
And lastly, and probably most importantly, cheap jeans fit the best!
Love always,
Caroline
Just because you have a lot of clothes it doesn’t mean that you are stylish, so stop buying! You already know this, but I feel that I need to remind you. Rummaging through cheap Asian stores in Darling Harbour trying to find the cheapest and brightest item before anyone else is are not going to make you feel or look better. The same goes for "Vinnies." I know you tell yourself “its for charity” but the junk you buy doesn’t fit, and in a few years, after mum’s incessant hassling, you are going to throw out about 5 rubbish bags full of them. Sponsor a child instead.
Another piece of fashion advice is to stop wearing skiivis! They don’t look good! You think your boobs are too big and that, I understand, and that skiivis conceal them, but they in fact make them appear much bigger and rounder. Also, and probably most importantly, stop buying them in light colours! You are going to review photos and experience a real “what the hell was I thinking” moment, whilst hating the people around you for not tackling them off you thread by thread.
Stop looking back when it comes to love! I know that you are ferociously in love right now, but the truth is, dear girl, he does not love you back. You are wasting your time and energy and quiet frankly Aleen is sick of hearing your poems. The two of you will laugh about this in a few years, but for the time being it is really annoying her.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t fall in love, because you will, and it will feel wonderful! But, you should also learn when to fall out of it. Do not sacrifice your time and beliefs for people who only put up with you. Stand up for what you think is right, and when you have had enough say so. This will make people respect you, and most importantly allow you respect yourself.
Follow your intuitions, they almost never fail you. In fact, you are going to “meet” (if you have not so already) the man that you are going to want to marry because you did.
Like yourself. I must warn you that you are going to gain a heap of weight, but this is only because you do not like your body. Accept it, embrace it and you will find that things will change. I do not want to disclose too much but lets just say your boobs drop down to a 12B.
Be patient with you sister; she is going to surprise you. Right now, she is the 13 year old brat who mum is begging for you to take everywhere, but she is going to grow into a very determined young lady who, believe it or not, drives a better car than you! She will never stop taking your clothes, so it is most important that you keep hiding them (and remember where you put them).
You are going to learn that you parents are people too. They are doing the best they can so just be patient; especially with your mum. She is about to go through a lot so just be there for her. Although you don’t know it now, she is very intelligent and is going to set up you future in a way that will shock everyone.
One thing I will commend you on is your hard work. Well done on achieving great results at school, this will help you a lot in the future. Speaking of which, stop worrying, things have a funny way of falling into place.
Keep in touch with old friends. You will be amazed at how you can so easily pick up where you left off.
Do not settle for the first car you come across when you are shopping for a brand new one, despite what your dad says.
And lastly, and probably most importantly, cheap jeans fit the best!
Love always,
Caroline
Thursday, 3 February 2011
Social Media and SMEs
A decade ago the Internet was thought of as a giant encyclopaedia, used by students for their homework, whilst their parents called up the Internet company, pleading to block any sites with the phrase “xxx” in them.
Today the World Wide Web is utilised differently. As a keen and active user of this great marvel, I can distinctively argue that it has evolved into a giant social networking forum, where anybody anywhere can log on and immediately communicate with people around the world.
The Internet is used by almost everybody; and this is not to just indicative of newer generations. People are shifting the way the consume media to be completely digital, and with it’s increasing affordability and availability, this technology has become the best platform for marketing and advertising for small medium enterprises (SMEs). Gone are the days where people sit in front of the television and watch streams of advertisements that may be targeted to them, generally switching channels. Instead, the personal nature of the Internet allows for material to be directly targeted to users based on the personal information they have submitted into social networking sites, making the campaign for that particular SME successful.
Digital social networking also allows for the immediate delivery of information. Any Internet user will come across review sites and/or snippets, where a consumer may upload their feedback about a product or service even whilst trying it out. It is also important to note that their thoughts may not always be positive, but businesses have to be willing to deal with such a negative aspect of social media.
The Internet is everywhere. With the evolution and subsequent perfection of wireless web services and smart phones, consumers are arguably suffering an “information overload.” Users are automatically “buzzed” as soon as a company uploads a new dress on facebook, announces a sale on twitter, or responds to their request on ebay. This incessant vibration in the user’s handbag or pocket constantly reminds them of the company and their product or service, further enforcing that social media sites are very effective as a marketing platform for SMEs.
Relationships are built and enhanced through constant social network updates and uploads. Many SME owners post comments, videos and images of subjects that concern their business on pages such as facebook and twitter in an effort to appeal to others within their community. No longer is it the product, which is being advertised, but rather the personality of the business itself. For example, a sporting goods storeowner may post the results of the Australian Ashes, or the AFL, or even announce their support of a local charity, touching base with communities interested in these sports, therefore exposing their business name.
Social networking has proven to be an effective advertising platform for SMEs, as it means that people of the same demographic and interests throughout the world may be targeted. It’s dynamic, fast and evolving nature means that people are kept up-to-date with the offerings of companies, as they are constantly exposed to their marketing campaigns, fuelling interest and subsequent sales. Social networking sites also pave the way for new online communities, who through becoming followers of a particular business, may develop an invested interest in it’s success.
Today the World Wide Web is utilised differently. As a keen and active user of this great marvel, I can distinctively argue that it has evolved into a giant social networking forum, where anybody anywhere can log on and immediately communicate with people around the world.
The Internet is used by almost everybody; and this is not to just indicative of newer generations. People are shifting the way the consume media to be completely digital, and with it’s increasing affordability and availability, this technology has become the best platform for marketing and advertising for small medium enterprises (SMEs). Gone are the days where people sit in front of the television and watch streams of advertisements that may be targeted to them, generally switching channels. Instead, the personal nature of the Internet allows for material to be directly targeted to users based on the personal information they have submitted into social networking sites, making the campaign for that particular SME successful.
Digital social networking also allows for the immediate delivery of information. Any Internet user will come across review sites and/or snippets, where a consumer may upload their feedback about a product or service even whilst trying it out. It is also important to note that their thoughts may not always be positive, but businesses have to be willing to deal with such a negative aspect of social media.
The Internet is everywhere. With the evolution and subsequent perfection of wireless web services and smart phones, consumers are arguably suffering an “information overload.” Users are automatically “buzzed” as soon as a company uploads a new dress on facebook, announces a sale on twitter, or responds to their request on ebay. This incessant vibration in the user’s handbag or pocket constantly reminds them of the company and their product or service, further enforcing that social media sites are very effective as a marketing platform for SMEs.
Relationships are built and enhanced through constant social network updates and uploads. Many SME owners post comments, videos and images of subjects that concern their business on pages such as facebook and twitter in an effort to appeal to others within their community. No longer is it the product, which is being advertised, but rather the personality of the business itself. For example, a sporting goods storeowner may post the results of the Australian Ashes, or the AFL, or even announce their support of a local charity, touching base with communities interested in these sports, therefore exposing their business name.
Social networking has proven to be an effective advertising platform for SMEs, as it means that people of the same demographic and interests throughout the world may be targeted. It’s dynamic, fast and evolving nature means that people are kept up-to-date with the offerings of companies, as they are constantly exposed to their marketing campaigns, fuelling interest and subsequent sales. Social networking sites also pave the way for new online communities, who through becoming followers of a particular business, may develop an invested interest in it’s success.
Sunday, 8 August 2010
A Letter to my Year Four Teacher
Hi Mrs Johannes,
Do you remember me? You were the one who believed me in me, who told me that I had “real talent.” And now, I believe in myself. Each time I thought about giving up, your words would resonate throughout my mind.
“You have such talent. You’re the only one who can read at a 4th grade level in the whole class. You have a big future ahead of you.”
I wasn’t always your favourite student, though. Remember on the 1st day of year 4, you told me that you were going to keep your eye on me for the rest of the year? And you did. During the first term, anyway. You picked on me, continually punishing me for the smallest mistakes; rocking on my chair, having my hair not tied up properly and not wearing matching socks, as though it was my fault that mum matched up the wrong pair, and during the dreariness of the morning I did not notice such a minor disparity. I tried explaining to mum that you were “bullying” me, but of course she disregarded my tears as a ploy not to go to school, and ordered me to do my homework.
I proved you wrong, though. I produced an outstanding literature assignment based on the novel we were studying, The Indian in the Cupboard. You told me this during our annual parent/teacher interview after term 1. Mum explained how I was unhappy, and you apologised. You also admitted to giving me a hard time on purpose, because you had made up your mind about me, convinced that I was the Devil’s spawn.
Because of this you had cast me into the background, as an orphan, for our rather large production of Oliver. I had never before felt so displaced. In every school production that I had done I was in the forefront. And then you called me into a meeting, telling me that I was going to take on the role as the narrator, one you had created just for me, because you wanted me to be in the spotlight. Mum was so happy. If I remember correctly, I think she sent you a box of chocolates.
You also taught me a beauty tip, which, 12 years later, comes in very handy. You recommended that I use cut up stockings rather than elastic bands to tie up my hair because it was (and still is) so thick and curly. You would watch me, as my eyes would tear up while I tried to undo the huge knot caused by the flimsy elastic band that was barely holding up bushy my hair.
I still look out for the non-existent mango tree that we planted outside of our year 4 classroom. Do you remember, Mrs Johannes, when you saw me stuffing my face with that huge mango, with all the juices flowing down my arm and smeared into my hair? You waited for me to approach the bin with the leftover seed, and as soon as I was about to drop it in, you stopped me, and accompanied me outside with a shovel. The seed never became a tree, but I was really excited to have shared that experience with you.
During our annual speech night, you awarded me with two certificates. I won the title for HSIE and Literature. Although I was nine years old, I remember that moment, standing upon the stage holding one more award than anyone else, as one of the proudest moments of my life. You taught me to believe in and stay true to myself, even if nobody else did, because your efforts are always bound to pay off.
Do you remember me? You were the one who believed me in me, who told me that I had “real talent.” And now, I believe in myself. Each time I thought about giving up, your words would resonate throughout my mind.
“You have such talent. You’re the only one who can read at a 4th grade level in the whole class. You have a big future ahead of you.”
I wasn’t always your favourite student, though. Remember on the 1st day of year 4, you told me that you were going to keep your eye on me for the rest of the year? And you did. During the first term, anyway. You picked on me, continually punishing me for the smallest mistakes; rocking on my chair, having my hair not tied up properly and not wearing matching socks, as though it was my fault that mum matched up the wrong pair, and during the dreariness of the morning I did not notice such a minor disparity. I tried explaining to mum that you were “bullying” me, but of course she disregarded my tears as a ploy not to go to school, and ordered me to do my homework.
I proved you wrong, though. I produced an outstanding literature assignment based on the novel we were studying, The Indian in the Cupboard. You told me this during our annual parent/teacher interview after term 1. Mum explained how I was unhappy, and you apologised. You also admitted to giving me a hard time on purpose, because you had made up your mind about me, convinced that I was the Devil’s spawn.
Because of this you had cast me into the background, as an orphan, for our rather large production of Oliver. I had never before felt so displaced. In every school production that I had done I was in the forefront. And then you called me into a meeting, telling me that I was going to take on the role as the narrator, one you had created just for me, because you wanted me to be in the spotlight. Mum was so happy. If I remember correctly, I think she sent you a box of chocolates.
You also taught me a beauty tip, which, 12 years later, comes in very handy. You recommended that I use cut up stockings rather than elastic bands to tie up my hair because it was (and still is) so thick and curly. You would watch me, as my eyes would tear up while I tried to undo the huge knot caused by the flimsy elastic band that was barely holding up bushy my hair.
I still look out for the non-existent mango tree that we planted outside of our year 4 classroom. Do you remember, Mrs Johannes, when you saw me stuffing my face with that huge mango, with all the juices flowing down my arm and smeared into my hair? You waited for me to approach the bin with the leftover seed, and as soon as I was about to drop it in, you stopped me, and accompanied me outside with a shovel. The seed never became a tree, but I was really excited to have shared that experience with you.
During our annual speech night, you awarded me with two certificates. I won the title for HSIE and Literature. Although I was nine years old, I remember that moment, standing upon the stage holding one more award than anyone else, as one of the proudest moments of my life. You taught me to believe in and stay true to myself, even if nobody else did, because your efforts are always bound to pay off.
Sunday, 13 June 2010
The Autobiography of a Fucking Mental Patient
There was a knock at my door. It was unusually forceful. Whoever it
was, was really banging their knuckles hard on the wood. ‘Fuck it’. I
was not in the mood for company. I took another puff of my 100 length
Camels and continued ironing. I was listening to Jean Metcalfe’s
Woman’s Hour on the wireless, and I did not want to be disturbed. And then I
heard the knock again. Louder. I remained standing above the board, my
palm tightly gripping the iron handle. The shadows of three men
circled my house. I barely heard their footsteps over the resonance of
my heart pounding in my ears. The living room window was lifted open.
I always left it unlocked. It was the “emergency” window, in case Leon
was really drunk and could not figure out which key turns the lock.
Instead he would open the window and stumble in. When he did this he
would never make it to the bedroom. I would hear him stumbling up the
stairs and smirk, because I knew that I would sleep without having to
take in the horrid stench of cheap perfume and even cheaper scotch.
I took off the pearls from around my neck. Leon liked it when I wore
them, and he spontaneously came home for lunch so I always kept them
on during the day. I maintained my pretences. I don’t know why. I
think it was because I did not want the neighbours to see me looking
less than ordinary, and think that I was not a good wife. It makes me
nervous knowing that people could think things about you that you have
no control over. He bought me expensive ones when we were newlywed.
‘Wear them everyday for me, like the good wife you are.’ Not long
after he gave them to me I found cheap imitations at the markets. I
have been wearing them ever since. He has never known the difference.
I pawned the ones he gave me and bought a Chanel dress. I will never
wear it.
…
He gave me a Chinese burn on my wrist. Fucking bastard. The other
wanker grabbed my ankles and tied them together. Then they threw my
body onto a standing wheelbarrow. I remember smiling. I must have been
because I was bloody well turned on. Two men were touching me; being
rough with me. I fucking loved it! A third guy opened the door and
they wheeled me out of my own house. This was most arousing treatment
I had received in a long time. The three men were dressed the same, in
light blue and white. I hated those colours, especially when worn
together. They were too innocent. Too pure.
I was lying down in the back of the van, and all I could see were the
power lines and clouds through the windows. I wandered whether we were
moving or not because neither of these things seemed to change. It was
noisy though, and I could hear the traffic so I suppose we were. I
like the noise. The silence makes me anxious.
I thought of the children. I must have uttered this out loud because
the three men almost violently turned back and glared at me. I caught
the eyes of one of them. His nametag yelled at me. William. He had the
deepest blue eyes I had ever seen. I was drowning in them. I could not
breathe. I needed someone to pull me out... And then he looked away,
focused his eyes onto the road, and I felt like I could breathe again,
like I was safe on sturdy land.
I couldn’t remember where they were, the children. It was a Saturday
afternoon, I was sure of it, so they could not have been at school.
Leon had gone away on a business trip. Again.
“Excuse me.”
Only William turned around. I wish that I looked prettier so that when
he looked into my eyes he could drown.
“Where are my children? Their names are Thomas and Alva. Are they
coming with us, too? Are they riding another van?”
Nobody answered me.
“Gentlemen, you know that it is rude to ignore a lady whilst she is speaking!”
The van went over a pothole.
The van stopped.
Suddenly.
I could not hear them for a little while, William and his friends. I
thought that they had left me. Then the big van doors opened outwards
and there they were, standing before me. William climbed into the van
and detached the tray I was on. The other two wheeled me out. It was
fun.
…
“Where are my children, Thomas and Alva Sinclair?
The man seated before me did not answer. I looked around. I was in a
dark room, with only one swinging torch light above me. It felt like
the man sitting in front of me was far away, because the wooden table
between us was so big. I don’t know why he needed such an
extravagantly sized table; there was nothing on it.
“Where are they?”
I asked again. He must have known.
“Where are my children?”
He scribbled something on a pad. The scratching sound of the pencil
when it grazed the paper was really loud. I could not understand what
was happening, why I was in this room and why nobody would tell me
where my children were. I just wanted my children. I only wanted to
know where they were.
The huge steal doors opened. It made a lot of noise, which I liked.
William and his friends returned with a thick jacket. This time I got
a clear view at their names tags. Benjamin and Dick. I smiled because
I was happy to see their familiar faces, but I became perplexed
because they brought me a jacket in the middle of a heat wave. I was
not cold. William held out one of my arms and Dick the other, and they
dressed me in the jacket.
I began laughing hysterically. I could not help it.
“What is so funny?”
I thought the voice was coming from a distance, but it was from the
man seated all the way behind the unnecessarily big wooden desk.
“His name is Dick!”
William chuckled. I swear I heard him.
Then Benjamin and Dick grabbed my arms tightly and escorted me out of
the room with the large wooden desk. I did not fight it, though. The
boys had their way with me. I let them.
…
I was seated in a chair. Then they attached wires to my skin. I looked
at William. He was looking at me too. We held our glance for what felt
like years. Then a steal cap was placed on my skull. Suddenly, all I
could feel were electric pulses travelling through my veins. I loved
it. I had never felt such adrenaline, such exhilaration. I felt
animated and I loved it.
“Again! Will you please do that again?”
Everybody was staring at me. I am assuming shock was the reaction that
was smeared onto each of their faces.
“It is quiet thrilling, almost like being on a rollercoaster ride.
William walked towards me. He untied me and the other two dragged me
down a long corridor.
This time I listened. I heard screams. One woman’s shrieks were
drowned out by the sound of electricity. I guess she also had the same
exhilarating experience as me.
And then I noticed something. Everybody in this place was wearing blue
and white. Even me. My jacket was blue and white. And I began to
scream. I hated these colours. The boys held me firmly as I twisted
and turned violently, trying to take it off. I could not understand
why they were making me wear something I did not want to. I was not a
child.
My children.
I was seated again in the dark room, across the man who was far away
because there was an unnecessarily huge wooden table between us.
was, was really banging their knuckles hard on the wood. ‘Fuck it’. I
was not in the mood for company. I took another puff of my 100 length
Camels and continued ironing. I was listening to Jean Metcalfe’s
Woman’s Hour on the wireless, and I did not want to be disturbed. And then I
heard the knock again. Louder. I remained standing above the board, my
palm tightly gripping the iron handle. The shadows of three men
circled my house. I barely heard their footsteps over the resonance of
my heart pounding in my ears. The living room window was lifted open.
I always left it unlocked. It was the “emergency” window, in case Leon
was really drunk and could not figure out which key turns the lock.
Instead he would open the window and stumble in. When he did this he
would never make it to the bedroom. I would hear him stumbling up the
stairs and smirk, because I knew that I would sleep without having to
take in the horrid stench of cheap perfume and even cheaper scotch.
I took off the pearls from around my neck. Leon liked it when I wore
them, and he spontaneously came home for lunch so I always kept them
on during the day. I maintained my pretences. I don’t know why. I
think it was because I did not want the neighbours to see me looking
less than ordinary, and think that I was not a good wife. It makes me
nervous knowing that people could think things about you that you have
no control over. He bought me expensive ones when we were newlywed.
‘Wear them everyday for me, like the good wife you are.’ Not long
after he gave them to me I found cheap imitations at the markets. I
have been wearing them ever since. He has never known the difference.
I pawned the ones he gave me and bought a Chanel dress. I will never
wear it.
…
He gave me a Chinese burn on my wrist. Fucking bastard. The other
wanker grabbed my ankles and tied them together. Then they threw my
body onto a standing wheelbarrow. I remember smiling. I must have been
because I was bloody well turned on. Two men were touching me; being
rough with me. I fucking loved it! A third guy opened the door and
they wheeled me out of my own house. This was most arousing treatment
I had received in a long time. The three men were dressed the same, in
light blue and white. I hated those colours, especially when worn
together. They were too innocent. Too pure.
I was lying down in the back of the van, and all I could see were the
power lines and clouds through the windows. I wandered whether we were
moving or not because neither of these things seemed to change. It was
noisy though, and I could hear the traffic so I suppose we were. I
like the noise. The silence makes me anxious.
I thought of the children. I must have uttered this out loud because
the three men almost violently turned back and glared at me. I caught
the eyes of one of them. His nametag yelled at me. William. He had the
deepest blue eyes I had ever seen. I was drowning in them. I could not
breathe. I needed someone to pull me out... And then he looked away,
focused his eyes onto the road, and I felt like I could breathe again,
like I was safe on sturdy land.
I couldn’t remember where they were, the children. It was a Saturday
afternoon, I was sure of it, so they could not have been at school.
Leon had gone away on a business trip. Again.
“Excuse me.”
Only William turned around. I wish that I looked prettier so that when
he looked into my eyes he could drown.
“Where are my children? Their names are Thomas and Alva. Are they
coming with us, too? Are they riding another van?”
Nobody answered me.
“Gentlemen, you know that it is rude to ignore a lady whilst she is speaking!”
The van went over a pothole.
The van stopped.
Suddenly.
I could not hear them for a little while, William and his friends. I
thought that they had left me. Then the big van doors opened outwards
and there they were, standing before me. William climbed into the van
and detached the tray I was on. The other two wheeled me out. It was
fun.
…
“Where are my children, Thomas and Alva Sinclair?
The man seated before me did not answer. I looked around. I was in a
dark room, with only one swinging torch light above me. It felt like
the man sitting in front of me was far away, because the wooden table
between us was so big. I don’t know why he needed such an
extravagantly sized table; there was nothing on it.
“Where are they?”
I asked again. He must have known.
“Where are my children?”
He scribbled something on a pad. The scratching sound of the pencil
when it grazed the paper was really loud. I could not understand what
was happening, why I was in this room and why nobody would tell me
where my children were. I just wanted my children. I only wanted to
know where they were.
The huge steal doors opened. It made a lot of noise, which I liked.
William and his friends returned with a thick jacket. This time I got
a clear view at their names tags. Benjamin and Dick. I smiled because
I was happy to see their familiar faces, but I became perplexed
because they brought me a jacket in the middle of a heat wave. I was
not cold. William held out one of my arms and Dick the other, and they
dressed me in the jacket.
I began laughing hysterically. I could not help it.
“What is so funny?”
I thought the voice was coming from a distance, but it was from the
man seated all the way behind the unnecessarily big wooden desk.
“His name is Dick!”
William chuckled. I swear I heard him.
Then Benjamin and Dick grabbed my arms tightly and escorted me out of
the room with the large wooden desk. I did not fight it, though. The
boys had their way with me. I let them.
…
I was seated in a chair. Then they attached wires to my skin. I looked
at William. He was looking at me too. We held our glance for what felt
like years. Then a steal cap was placed on my skull. Suddenly, all I
could feel were electric pulses travelling through my veins. I loved
it. I had never felt such adrenaline, such exhilaration. I felt
animated and I loved it.
“Again! Will you please do that again?”
Everybody was staring at me. I am assuming shock was the reaction that
was smeared onto each of their faces.
“It is quiet thrilling, almost like being on a rollercoaster ride.
William walked towards me. He untied me and the other two dragged me
down a long corridor.
This time I listened. I heard screams. One woman’s shrieks were
drowned out by the sound of electricity. I guess she also had the same
exhilarating experience as me.
And then I noticed something. Everybody in this place was wearing blue
and white. Even me. My jacket was blue and white. And I began to
scream. I hated these colours. The boys held me firmly as I twisted
and turned violently, trying to take it off. I could not understand
why they were making me wear something I did not want to. I was not a
child.
My children.
I was seated again in the dark room, across the man who was far away
because there was an unnecessarily huge wooden table between us.
Sunday, 11 April 2010
1976
Mummy and daddy told me that the presents were to be opened on Christmas morning only. I looked at the new digital clock dad just bought. It was 9:00pm. It also had other numbers and words on it. It said: Wednesday 24th December and then it small letters it said 1976.
Mummy said that Santa bought me all of the presents. That he came over last night and placed them under the tree because he was going to be really busy on Christmas Eve. But I knew that she was lying because I saw the receipts on the kitchen table. I may only be 7 years old, but I can still read!
That Christmas was the first we had spent in the new house. It was much smaller than our normal house, which is in Vaucluse. Dad is an engineer who deals with aeroplanes so we had to move here because it is close to his work. This place is called Newtown and the house we are in is much smaller than the Vaucluse house and smells funny. Kind of like chicken soup. When we first moved in, dad paid people to paint the walls so that the smell went away, but as soon as the paint stench disappeared the chicken soup smell came back.
One day we went to the neighbour’s house for afternoon tea. Their house was even smaller than ours! Mum always said, “no, thank you Claire, we have just had tea” or “we are going out for tea” when they invited us, even if it was not true. But today she said “sure,” so we went. They had a little girl my age and her name was Lindsay. Lindsay also had a brother called Johnny. I wish I had a brother. Lindsay and Johnny’s feet were really dirty, but I guess that was because the floor was dirty too. Mummy did not let me sit on the couch “because it is filthy,” so I followed Lindsay into her room. She did not have many toys, just one dolly, really old books, and one board game. It was a really old version of Monopoly. I had the 40th Anniversary edition. She asked me if I wanted to play. I shook my head because all the pieces seemed really dirty, and some of them were broken, and I knew mum wouldn’t like me playing with them.
“Mummy, did Santa get me everything on my Christmas list?”
“Yes Tammy, unless you thought of something that you haven’t written down.”
“Did he get me the Atari 2600 and 5 games?”
“Yes”
“Did he get me all the board games?”
“Yes.”
“All of them?? Stratego, Billionaire and Bionic Woman?”
“Yes Tammy.”
“What about the Crissy Doll?”
“Tammy, everything that you asked for, Santa got you, okay?”
“Connect Four?”
“Tammy!”
I woke up at 6:00am. The other digital clock that we had upstairs said that the date was Thursday 25th December and the small letters said 1976. I ran downstairs. I hurt my ankle hurt but I did not care. I just wanted to open my presents…
…But they weren’t there. I felt a funny feeling in my tummy but thought maybe dad was playing a joke. I ran back upstairs to mum and dad’s room. They were both asleep.
“Get up, get up. Tell me where they are! Where are my presents?”
“Tammy you know where they are. Wait for us to come downstairs and we will open them together.”
“But mummy, they are not there.”
Mummy and daddy both got up really fast, almost making me fall off the bed.
Daddy was downstairs before I was even out of his room.
“Tammy stay upstairs!”
“Jude, the back door is open.”
“Call the police Evelyn!”
“Hi yes, I am reporting a break in. Please hurry!”
The police came over. Mummy told me that it was because someone took the presents. A few nights ago I watched a detective movie where something like this happened. The detective carried a notepad and pencil all the time. He wrote down all of the clues and at the end of the movie figured out who the thief was. I decided that I was going to be a detective, collect clues and write them all down in my note pad with my pencil. I was going to find out who took my presents.
The next day was Boxing Day. Mummy took me to the park in the afternoon because we were both upset. Daddy had to go away on a business trip. Usually Lindsay and Johnny were at the park too, but not today. So I played on the seesaw by myself while mum had a coffee.
I spotted Mrs Shears. She lived across the road to me. I ran up to her to say Merry Christmas and to ask her if she had seen anything the morning earlier.
“No darling. That is horrible though. Who would do that during Christmas, during the time of giving?”
“Thank you Mrs Shears. If you find out anything please let me know. The police are saying that they have no leads.”
On our way home, while we were walking down King Road, I saw Benjamin. He is my neighbour, but he is 6, and I don’t usually talk to 6 year olds, but today I really wanted to ask him questions.
“Nice bike, Ben”
“Thanks, it was my Christmas present.”
“Oh, I didn’t get mine because they were stolen.”
“Yeah, my mum told me.
“But mummy said she is going to re-buy them for me and let me unwrap them on New Years Eve. I am getting an Atarai 2600 and 5 games, Stratego, Billionaire, Bionic Woman, a Crissy doll and Connect Four!”
“Cool. I do not care but because Lindsay and Johnny have all of those toys. They got them for Christmas too and I would prefer to play with them because they are nice and you are rotten!”
He rode away. Ben did not make me sad though because all of my real friends were in Vaucluse. I hated everyone here. I hated them because someone stole my gifts.
When I got home I had a shower, hopped into bed and wrote down everything that happened in my diary. I was sad because I had not collected any clues. Mum came in to kiss me good night.
“Are you writing in your diary, Tammy?”
“Yeah mum. Do you want to see?”
“Sure…”
She suddenly ran out of my room and called daddy.
“Hi Jude… how could they afford all of that? And how is it possible that the neighbour’s kids, who do not own ANY toys, suddenly have those that were stolen from our daughter…Okay, okay I will.”
Mummy called the police. They came straight away. They left really quickly too and knocked on Lindsay’s door. Her mum answered and the police went inside. Mummy followed them. I stayed at home with a policewoman.
When the house phone rang the police lady answered. When she hung up she told me to put on my robe and follow her to the neighbour’s house. When I got there I saw everything on my Christmas list scattered on the floor. Lindsay and Johnny looked really sad.
“We are going to have to press charges.”
I whispered into the policewoman’s ear. “What does that mean?”
“That means that they are going to get into trouble for stealing your toys.”
They police put Lindsay, Johnny and their mummy into the car. I also saw this in the detective movie I watched. They were going to the police station to be in trouble because their mummy broke into our house through the back door, took my presents and placed them under their tree.
As we walked back home I felt really sad. Lindsay and Johnny did not have any toys. I told mum this, and she said that they should not have stolen anything, that they should have asked me if they could play. I probably would have said “no”.
Two days later I saw Lindsay and Johnny playing at the park. They looked really sad and did not talk to me very much. I walked up to her and Johnny who were playing by themselves because nobody else would.
“Lindsay, you can have all of my presents. Mummy is buying me new ones and you don’t have many toys. I’ll tell my mummy to tell your mummy that I let you take them.”
She did not talk to me. She took her little brother’s hand and walked away.
I never saw them again because three days later we moved back to Vaucluse.
Mummy said that Santa bought me all of the presents. That he came over last night and placed them under the tree because he was going to be really busy on Christmas Eve. But I knew that she was lying because I saw the receipts on the kitchen table. I may only be 7 years old, but I can still read!
That Christmas was the first we had spent in the new house. It was much smaller than our normal house, which is in Vaucluse. Dad is an engineer who deals with aeroplanes so we had to move here because it is close to his work. This place is called Newtown and the house we are in is much smaller than the Vaucluse house and smells funny. Kind of like chicken soup. When we first moved in, dad paid people to paint the walls so that the smell went away, but as soon as the paint stench disappeared the chicken soup smell came back.
One day we went to the neighbour’s house for afternoon tea. Their house was even smaller than ours! Mum always said, “no, thank you Claire, we have just had tea” or “we are going out for tea” when they invited us, even if it was not true. But today she said “sure,” so we went. They had a little girl my age and her name was Lindsay. Lindsay also had a brother called Johnny. I wish I had a brother. Lindsay and Johnny’s feet were really dirty, but I guess that was because the floor was dirty too. Mummy did not let me sit on the couch “because it is filthy,” so I followed Lindsay into her room. She did not have many toys, just one dolly, really old books, and one board game. It was a really old version of Monopoly. I had the 40th Anniversary edition. She asked me if I wanted to play. I shook my head because all the pieces seemed really dirty, and some of them were broken, and I knew mum wouldn’t like me playing with them.
“Mummy, did Santa get me everything on my Christmas list?”
“Yes Tammy, unless you thought of something that you haven’t written down.”
“Did he get me the Atari 2600 and 5 games?”
“Yes”
“Did he get me all the board games?”
“Yes.”
“All of them?? Stratego, Billionaire and Bionic Woman?”
“Yes Tammy.”
“What about the Crissy Doll?”
“Tammy, everything that you asked for, Santa got you, okay?”
“Connect Four?”
“Tammy!”
I woke up at 6:00am. The other digital clock that we had upstairs said that the date was Thursday 25th December and the small letters said 1976. I ran downstairs. I hurt my ankle hurt but I did not care. I just wanted to open my presents…
…But they weren’t there. I felt a funny feeling in my tummy but thought maybe dad was playing a joke. I ran back upstairs to mum and dad’s room. They were both asleep.
“Get up, get up. Tell me where they are! Where are my presents?”
“Tammy you know where they are. Wait for us to come downstairs and we will open them together.”
“But mummy, they are not there.”
Mummy and daddy both got up really fast, almost making me fall off the bed.
Daddy was downstairs before I was even out of his room.
“Tammy stay upstairs!”
“Jude, the back door is open.”
“Call the police Evelyn!”
“Hi yes, I am reporting a break in. Please hurry!”
The police came over. Mummy told me that it was because someone took the presents. A few nights ago I watched a detective movie where something like this happened. The detective carried a notepad and pencil all the time. He wrote down all of the clues and at the end of the movie figured out who the thief was. I decided that I was going to be a detective, collect clues and write them all down in my note pad with my pencil. I was going to find out who took my presents.
The next day was Boxing Day. Mummy took me to the park in the afternoon because we were both upset. Daddy had to go away on a business trip. Usually Lindsay and Johnny were at the park too, but not today. So I played on the seesaw by myself while mum had a coffee.
I spotted Mrs Shears. She lived across the road to me. I ran up to her to say Merry Christmas and to ask her if she had seen anything the morning earlier.
“No darling. That is horrible though. Who would do that during Christmas, during the time of giving?”
“Thank you Mrs Shears. If you find out anything please let me know. The police are saying that they have no leads.”
On our way home, while we were walking down King Road, I saw Benjamin. He is my neighbour, but he is 6, and I don’t usually talk to 6 year olds, but today I really wanted to ask him questions.
“Nice bike, Ben”
“Thanks, it was my Christmas present.”
“Oh, I didn’t get mine because they were stolen.”
“Yeah, my mum told me.
“But mummy said she is going to re-buy them for me and let me unwrap them on New Years Eve. I am getting an Atarai 2600 and 5 games, Stratego, Billionaire, Bionic Woman, a Crissy doll and Connect Four!”
“Cool. I do not care but because Lindsay and Johnny have all of those toys. They got them for Christmas too and I would prefer to play with them because they are nice and you are rotten!”
He rode away. Ben did not make me sad though because all of my real friends were in Vaucluse. I hated everyone here. I hated them because someone stole my gifts.
When I got home I had a shower, hopped into bed and wrote down everything that happened in my diary. I was sad because I had not collected any clues. Mum came in to kiss me good night.
“Are you writing in your diary, Tammy?”
“Yeah mum. Do you want to see?”
“Sure…”
She suddenly ran out of my room and called daddy.
“Hi Jude… how could they afford all of that? And how is it possible that the neighbour’s kids, who do not own ANY toys, suddenly have those that were stolen from our daughter…Okay, okay I will.”
Mummy called the police. They came straight away. They left really quickly too and knocked on Lindsay’s door. Her mum answered and the police went inside. Mummy followed them. I stayed at home with a policewoman.
When the house phone rang the police lady answered. When she hung up she told me to put on my robe and follow her to the neighbour’s house. When I got there I saw everything on my Christmas list scattered on the floor. Lindsay and Johnny looked really sad.
“We are going to have to press charges.”
I whispered into the policewoman’s ear. “What does that mean?”
“That means that they are going to get into trouble for stealing your toys.”
They police put Lindsay, Johnny and their mummy into the car. I also saw this in the detective movie I watched. They were going to the police station to be in trouble because their mummy broke into our house through the back door, took my presents and placed them under their tree.
As we walked back home I felt really sad. Lindsay and Johnny did not have any toys. I told mum this, and she said that they should not have stolen anything, that they should have asked me if they could play. I probably would have said “no”.
Two days later I saw Lindsay and Johnny playing at the park. They looked really sad and did not talk to me very much. I walked up to her and Johnny who were playing by themselves because nobody else would.
“Lindsay, you can have all of my presents. Mummy is buying me new ones and you don’t have many toys. I’ll tell my mummy to tell your mummy that I let you take them.”
She did not talk to me. She took her little brother’s hand and walked away.
I never saw them again because three days later we moved back to Vaucluse.
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