Everyday

You had bruises on your back today.
you felt my pain.
But your scars will heel,
and mine wont,
on my heart
forever,
they will remain.

Your skin will turn pink,
as it has always has been,
you will recover,
and then you will forget
about today,
the day you felt a pain like mine.

But I still feel it,
I feel it everyday.

How did it feel?
Did you like the pain?
Did you enjoy the hurt?
But for you it is okay,
because your scars will go away
and mine will remain.


Wont they?

You took your heart out and threw it at me.



Now you are heartless

Remember

You told me you don’t Remember
where I live,
But I Remember
where you sleep.

You told me you don’t Remember
the path,
But I Remember
our journey.

You told me you don’t Remember
my name,
But I Remember
your smell.

You told me you don’t Remember
my touch,
But I Remember
your taste.

You told me you don’t Remember
our song,
But I Remember
your voice

You told me you dont Remember
my face,
But I Remember
your blood.

Don't you Remember
the night you bled?
I offered my hand,
and with your blood the the cravasses of my skin were drenched.

It was then I realised that I loved you.

I always found comfort in the fact that
we had our memories,
and with them you had walked away.

But when you told me that you don’t Remember
my heart bled,
and you were not there to protect me.

I was alone
because you are gone.

I Havent Yet Named It

The following piece is a little extract from my modernist scriptive text.

Heart:

Drum. Thump. Beat. Thump. Not like a chair, not still. A guitar too is not a heart. It is not a heart until you play its strings.

Red is red is red is heart.

Blood from heart is red is red is

blood.

Blue veins. Blue like the sky where the birds fly. Like the water flowing between the river’s shores. But is water truly blue? Is it blue, or green, or grey? Or is it is the colour of its constituents? Her blood is water and it is red so that means he is red.


Death:

What happens when the heart stops?

Red signs cause collisions. No stopping. No pain.

No motion, no heat.

The fire that burns brings warmth but not during death. Winter is black, is cold, is death. She fears it, and hides behind yellow for pretection. But yellow is the colour of the inevitable.

Not dead. Alive. Love. Love. Alive. Nothing. Death. Death. Death.


Night:

Only black and only black and only bats. Bats only. One cannot see and if you cannot see nothing exists.

But yellow is heard?

Spreading sound proves existence without sight.

No time to pretend.

Why pretend?

Children are crying,
bombs are dropping
and
they are hoping.

Hoping that the night never comes. Night is the time of sleep is the time of black is the time of death is the time not of the heart the heart.


Sleep:

Temporary death.

Solitude. A black cave. A yellow box. But that does not matter because when ones eyes are wide shut they see only black.

To wake is to live and to sleep is to die. To wake from sleep is not yellow, it is a gift. Cherish it. It is not yellow

A Church in which he prays consists of four walls filled with one soul. And candles. Candles that burn in sequence, never burning the soul, or the walls. Burning like a song, in tune with one another, high pitched.

What happens when the flowers grow? Do you stop caring for them?


Waltz:
She leant how to dance but she never showed it to him.

And he never moved with someone else’s rhythm.


Breathe:

Not to breathe is to love because love is to take one's breath away.

Two people, in love, yet in so much pain. Pain is love. And love is sweet, so pain is sweet, but love hurts ones heart and sweet hurts ones teeth.

The Songs That I Dedicate To Him

...In no particular order and to be constantly updated



Its Okay-Atomic Kitten

I Should Have Never Let You Go-Bardot

These Days-Bardot

Running Back-Jessica Mauboy

I Hate You So Much Right Now-Kellis

All For You-Leona Lewis

Better in Time-Leona Lewis

With Every Heartbeat-Robyn

Let Go-Neyo

Linger-The Cranberries

Stand By You-The Pretenders

As I Lay Me Down-Sophie B Hawkins

Tears Dry on Their Own-Amy Winehouse

I Miss YOu When You're Gone-The Cranberries

Littlest Things-Lily Allen

You Give Me Something-James Morrison

Chasing Pavements-Adele

You Were Meant For Me-Jewel

My Love-Ciara

Anything-Jojo

I Miss You So Much-TLC

Baby Can I Hold You-Tracy Chapman

4 in the Morning-Gwen Stefani

Cry-Rihanna

Stay-Destiny's Child

If I Aint Got You-Alicia Keys

Holding Back The Years-Simply Red

Back to Black-Amy Winehouse

It Must Have Been Love-Roxette

Wasnt It Good-Tina Arena

Turn The Page-Aaliyah

Little Waltz-Basia Bulat

Hope and Faith

I just want to write this entry as a little memoir for myself.

I was sitting in my uni library doing my assignment. At the same time I was hoping to see or bump into a certain someone. Many people walked past whom I thought could be him and ofcourse they werent. So I got to doing my assignment and then, about two hours later he walked by.

He just strolled by in his blue t-shirt, charcoal board shorts and the area between his thump and index finger were sliding on his backpack. I went mental. Not because he walked past but because I wanted him to and he did.

I went up and said "hi" to him. I am making it sound so simple, boy was it not! I walked up with Nyree, and after locating him I was trying to think of certain "reasons" why we were where he was: we were looking for books on Israel (despite being in the children' section), Nyree was studying early education, oh the list went on and on. Eventually we stuck with the first story, but when I saw him he didnt so happy to see me.

As she was walking out the library it was obvious that he saw me from the corner of his eye, but he kept walking down the stairs anyway. I told myself that he was shy, but he could have said bye, even if just a hand gesture. At the same time I pretended not to see him, so who am I to come up with excuses?

I dont know. I dont even know if I like him. I have told myself 100 times that it is the idea of him I like, not necessarily him, but I think I do like him. Oh dear! (as he would say)


Anyway, I must get back to my essay. I just wanted to write this entry to remind myself that if you want somthing bad enough it will surely come your way, even if only briefly.

Goodbye

I was reading the several confidential letters that I have written to you and oh so much has changed. We became friends, best friends in fact, and now it seems like a dream. I think about you and I try to remember the millions of seconds that we spent together but I can't. All that I recall is my happiness.

I woke up and now you are gone. I pushed you away, and I hate to admit that I want you back.

I thought I hated you, but now I know that I dont. I just loved you too much to see you always doing wrong. Your flaws and mistakes were becoming mine. They defeated you so they defeated me. They took the best of you and the brought out the worst in me. But you STILL act like you don’t care.

I don’t know if you remember this but you mumbled something to me once that turned my whole world around. You told me you loved me. Remember? We on the dance floor. I was going to hug you and you held me and said “do you know how much I love you?” Oh how I did. I knew because I felt exactly the same. But now, I don’t know. I don’t know whether you loved me, and I don’t know whether I loved you. At the time you and those words, meant the world to me. Nothing and nobody else mattered, they never could.

Suddenly I couldn’t. I couldn’t love you anymore, I couldn’t put up with you. I just couldn’t. And I am sorry. I hope one day you find someone who will. I hope that she is great and makes you happy the way that that I couldn’t, because if I did I wouldn't be writing this letter.

Goodbye. That is all that I can say. At first only my arms had let you go but now my heart has too. I don’t cry anymore and I don’t lose sleep. But I must say I don’t laugh as much as i did. And still I am glad that you are gone.

I will always love you, more than anyone could ever know. That will never die, but I hate how you act. I loathe the person you make yourself out to be. Why do you insist on acting so hard when inside you have a heart that is so soft? Yeah okay, you have been hurt, but you are not the only one who has cried. Trust me.

I have never told you this but you saved my life. You came into my world exactly when I needed you. That is why I loved you so much, because you turned my whole being around. And my love did the same for you. I enlightened you, I made you a better person, and everyone could see. I am proud of you for letting me in the way you did. Thankyou. But now you are gone, and I think it is right.

Goodbye. That is my last word to you. Please dont forget me. I will never forget you.
Caroline.
6th May 2008